Self-care for Caregivers | Linda Ercoli | TEDxUCLA

Yes, I agree. Caregiving can make us sick. I needed this video. I also told my parents, that I would be the first who died before them.

I share in the struggle. This video helped me validate my own feelings. I’m taking care of both of my parents full time , and I’m not taking care of myself. It’s good to know that other people are feeling the lack of self care, the anxiety, the depression that comes with being a caregiver. I’m trying my best, but I’m so unhappy.

Thank you so much. You are speaking straight to my heart. And I do have so much guilt and so much fear sometimes. I definitely need to go to a support group.

I’m a caregiver for my grandmother, it’s exhausting. I have to take care of her everyday even when I’m sick. It sucks.

I’m 63 and caregiving for two AND working fulltime. It’s exhausting, I’m constantly worried about finances, and I know it’s killing me.

My partner of 39 years has a neurodegenerative disease that is slowly crippling his body. I am his caregiver. Everything in this video is spot on. In a nutshell, caregiving can make you feel like the best person in the world AND it can make you feel like the worst person in the world. I go to caregiver support group which helps immensely, however, I still fight off depression, anxiety, and stress on a daily basis. It's been four years since his diagnosis and I've been the sole caregiver 24/7. I try to uplift myself and on occassion I get glimpses in my mind about a life I want, but because we are older now I'll probably never have. This makes me so sad and depressed. I try to snap out of it. I avoid images, videos, or TV shows depicting the life I want to live and where I want to live it. It's been four years now. No break. No break from watching this horrible disease slowly kill him. No break from the daily grind of caregiving. I'm just tired and broken hearted but I try to lift myself up. I try to not feel like my best years are passing by and soon I will face my own health challenges.

S - don't put your head in sand
S - join a support group
U - uplift yourself
P - don't personalise
R - find ways to rest

Most of us can't afford self-care. We do little things to cope but getting an agency is out of the question. There are some of us who are trapped in an ever ending whirlwind of chaos. I'm sorry, but that is reality.

I needed to hear this today

So true ❤.

This is a clear example of why you can’t take advise from people who haven’t actually been in your situation. Parental, educational, racial…

Everything you said resonated with me. I am a caregiver to my 86-y-o mother who's been battling with Alzheimer's for 8 yrs now.

I agree with all that you said especially your closing statement.

Thank you.

I’m BOTH of these caregivers and it is horrific period I wouldn’t want this burden for anyone

I cared for my severely disabled husband for 23 yrs following a stroke he had. It wasn’t a thankless job for me as he was always so grateful for everything I did for him. I hated seeing him losing abilities and his dignity. It was exhausting like no exhaustion I have never known before. Even so it was rewarding to kept him clean, happy, occupied and motivated to live.

Linda Ercoli, excellent...and I really mean excellent speech and delivery, bravo and thank you (for caregivers in general).

Thats right where I find myself. I now suffer from extreme anxiety and depression. I needed this today

1:20 great breakdown of the responsibilities a caregiver needs to address. for those experiencing this, when you begin to give care for someone, what is the list of things you need to prioritize?

thank you for this peaceful video

Thank you❣️

Wonderful talk 🙏

Well said.

I'm 42 years old caregiver of Mr Maxwell moss for 2years I'm doing well job for now I'm looking for job

Love them but support & allow yourself to be helped also. Brilliant and warm talk. Thank you❤❤❤

Given the choice and if I could roll back time I would not do what I did for over ten years. It has destroyed my life and my career.

Thank u

Thank you very much to your very good video .❤😊

Wow, this is spot on. I'm 53 and I am married with a 10 year old boy with autism. I work from home full time and take care of my 84 year old father who has dementia. I have 4 siblings and none of them will help me. I asked a sibling that lives across the country if she could come for a week to take care of dad so we could go on a family vacation to the beach, and she won't do it, even with help with trip money etc. She initially agreed to do it and when we put the money down for the deposit for the trip, she backed out right after. I'm getting a little bit of help from the VA with things, but since Dad's illness and disability is not service connected, it takes a lot of the resources away from me. I tried to let my father live on his own initially because I did not know he wasn't taking his meds, he was not showering regularly, and he was living in squalor, and getting lost driving around (i was getting calls almost daily from people and police asking me if I was related to him), and the final straw was when he showed up here in 17 degree weather wearing nothing but a t-shirt and just saying 'c c c cold" my wife moved him in with us, and we were able to setup a 'room' for him (put a bed and some furniture in the dining room) and he's been here for almost a year. I make and feed him all his meals and meds on time and take him to all of his doctor appointments, and not one time has anybody showed up here to even visit him. We have a cousin that has offered to take him in for our vacation and for a long weekend trip we wanted to do with my wife's family, but other than that, I have no help and it is so frustrating to me, because I feel like I can't go and do anything because there's nobody to help other than my neighbors will come and give him lunch if we want to go out for the day. It's VERY hard to do all of this and care for an autistic child and do homework, etc with him too everyday. I wish the VA would help more. We can't afford a nursing home for him and most of his Social Security is going to groceries and things to care for him and saving for final expenses because he cashed in his life insurance to go overseas to be with a girl that was taking advantage of him for money. Please remember me in your prayers. People talk a good game, but when the rubber meets the road.... crickets......

I woke up in the middle of the night thinking she called for me four different times when she didn't. I can never get rest ever. I owe her. She did it for me as a baby.

Death is mercy for a live in caregiver, at least for me it is when my heart is racing, exhausted, hungry, just plain wiped out. I sometimes say, take me in my sleep lord, peacefully in my sleep, amen. When I wake in the morning I pray, help me today lord….

Not living with the person you're supposedly caregiving for? Yeah, you're not really caregiving. When you get to go home and have downtime away from the person your caring for, you are living an exponentially easier life than the person that doesn't benefit from a space and life that is their own. When you're hiring someone to facilitate, you have no idea how easy you got it.

Being a carer is a thankless job, No-one, but no- one understands the stress caregivers go through. This truly irked me.😮

I needed this desperately— thank you.

This video was beneficial. I will take the tools and use them in my daily activities while caring for my mother.
Thank you so much,

This is so needed for me. I have been the only carer for my mum since beginning of this year and it's her third time being in the hospital. It's hard.

Anyone that does it 24/7 needs a medal, not judgement they get from everyone. ❤

So, so true, well done 😢

I'm a Single Mom with 3 kids. I literally have been caring for a small child for 10 years with zero breaks and no support. I literally can't handle any more....I am so tired everyday when I wake up I'm so disappointed that I am not sleeping anymore.

You are helping so many of us to anchor in the storm. Thank you for sharing your insights.

Taking care of my mother with ALZ is brutal. But there are beautiful, touching, and funny moments along the way. I try to hold onto those.

"Go to a support group" -- yeah...like there's time for that :(

This was such meaningful and helpful advice. Thank you!

This is very helpful. Good tips on getting respite care for self, not just physically but mentally. So often I spent time ruminating on negative future, though unknown but in a way being in that anticipated grief state. Our brain seems to either think of the past or forward thinking. I started practicing mindfulness and pursue spiritual journey. Some heartbreaking decisions have to be made, this is part of the life: live and death.

Thank you! I'm a 76 yr old caregiver of my wife with dementia for 5 years now. I took care of my mother with dementia for 7 yrs.

EXCELLENT MESSAGE! I took care of my mom for eight years; she died in August 2021. I had SO MUCH to learn just by keeping faith and going through all the challenges of caring for her. I didn't get much guidance on how she was changing or how to adapt to her. I just kept going, but like the speaker says, I learned how to take care of myself in little ways. However, I wish that I had joined a caregiver group or been more open about the difficulties of being a caregiver. I didn't talk enough with others about the work of caregiving.

After I heard Linda’s speech a thought came to my mind

That Linda is copy-pasting my experience of caregiving,


I am 89 and I lost my wife 3 months back who was then 

85.last 31 years I was taking care of my wife who was then 

54 and I was 58.She had meningitis and a soft brain stroke.

She was then totally dependent on me.last 3 years she was

Completely bedridden.She was also suffering from Dementia.

 I went through all the sufferings which Linda is describing.

I wish I had heard her speech long back So that I would have

not committed some of those mistakes as a caretaker to my 

wife,which Linda has described in her very useful speech.

Thanks Linda.

This was great 👍🏻

I became a caregiver 3 months ago for my father.
I am overwhelmed and depressed.
It feels like life is over. 😔

I would never be a caregiver!?