The Only Way to Date Successfully

Very helpful and wish everyone looking for love will watch this. Adequate self-love requires a loving, but serious self-interrogation, acceptance, and love for all your parts, including the painful, shameful, shadowy parts. Without it, you will bring dysfunction, chaos, hurt to a relationship when you cannot fully love yourself, as you can only love others up to the maximum capacity that you love yourself. Remember, hurt people hurt people--their capacity to love wholly is stunted and impaired, and is usually rife with conditions and moving goal posts. Love doesn't require you to perform to meet some impossible or ever-moving goal post to prove or earn affection, attention, and space for your heart. The moment a romantic prospect subjects you to unpredictability where you feel inadequate one moment, then a day later missing you like crazy and gushing that you are "the one" for them, this behavior is a sign to walk away yesterday. It's emotional abuse and they are rewiring your brain to believe chaotic intermittent reinforcements = safety and love. This is also the beginning of how trauma and abuse gets passed down to generations: when 2 unhealed people have kids and raise children under their disordered personalities and dysfunction. Rewire your brain to recognize actual calm, predictable, peaceful love as exciting or intense, so you contribute to the community and society the positive energy of real love.

Loving yourself is so crucial!

Can someone please post the script of this video.
I need it printed on my wall

Kalau rakyat sampai milih Pabowo lagi berarti bukti bahwa MBG tidak mempintarkan rakyat

Such bullshit man.. this is terrible..very untrue

This is JUST what I needed to hear. I am widowed and wanting to find love again. Already got my heart broken but in a friendly way. He was very kind and still wants me in his life. The second person I met, we both were so enthusiastic. For various reasons we had to put it on hold (he lived in another state and was moving back). He called out of the blue again after a few very long phone calls. I am very curious about him and eager to see him again (it's been months) but I realize I MUST manage my expectations. Who knows what we will feel if anything? Who knows what we will find out ? Will we feel attracted again? Will it be the same? Don't know. Just have to relax and accept whatever is until then.

I need yo watch this video like everyday when I beat myself up for my dating woes

feels like this video contradicts other things Botton has said / is saying.

Just love it.. the video shares the exact things we might need to comfort ourselves, by keeping us close to our own reality and being mindful of what our future might hold

The only winning move is not to play tbh

Don’t.

I have reached a healthy perspective of my nature and realised I am incredibly hard to live with lol and probably shouldn't date.

So I don't.

I cannot express how important De Button’s ideas have been to my journey on Earth

In the past 4 months and since this video was released, I watched it a handful of times, often after disappointment in dating. I’ve done the work, and I am still working on my self esteem, and I know I have love and respect for myself. But I still need to listen to this to assure myself I am doing the right thing and I am going to be fine. It’s hard though 😢

I constantly hear this channel contradict the advice. Later videos recommend not walking away and considering the person can't be perfect and relationships need to be constantly worked on. Whici is it?😂😂😂😂😂

This surprises me too…given his other videos on the length of time our society takes to make a commitment. Which is it. Make a fast commitment to anyone and make it work or wait until the “right” person comes along? There are two opposite lessons being preached here.

But then there are other videos that talk about why compatibility is overrated? So which is it?

stupid, blue-pilled take on dating.

"It's better to stay single for eternity than to give room to a compromised candidate", best line from this video and it's very true.

7000 dates? We havent even gone on one🥀

What kind of wise sage wrote this?

"The choice is infinite"... except, no, it's not. There are a limited number of people on earth, and accounting for geographic proximity, preferred gender, age brackets, the pool of candidates shrinks really fast, before even factoring in personality, appearance and compatibility. Depending on where you live, the dating pool can be quite limited.

So refreshing. I'm 38 and often hear from friends "You're going to meet someone soon". Maybe, but maybe not. I learned to be okay with that possibility. Maybe I will meet someone in one year, maybe in five, maybe in twenty years. I cannot wait until I meet someone to be happy with my life and to love life. Life is too precious for that. After a relationship that left me with C-PTSD I am getting to know myself more and more every day, every week, every month. I enjoy the depth I have discovered within myself, that I now see more and more in other people, the profound beauty in people and their stories. I accept myself and people as they are. Those who think they want a partner, but never reply to me or are inconsistent? I accept it. They are on their own path and I cannot change their path. But I get to enjoy mine.

Im turning 49 this year. Still hopeful

The one thing that holds me back from searching is just having self love

After 2000 right swipes I'm not looking for the one I'm looking far anyone.

The most hopeful thing about this video is all the comments shitting on the naivety of it.
There is no perfect partner, they don't exist.

Is there something wrong with me? I don't date. Never have. Met most of my men at work.

❤❤❤

Hmmmm… sounds a little too perfect… or should I say let’s begin with a fact if we are ready to be giving love as much as receiving it while decently managing the routinely responsibilities and obligations of living our own life

3:26

What if I am this person? How do I be better? I want to make the other person happy so badly that eventually I realize I’m not happy.

I hope anyone reading this knows that, you don't do things the first time unless it's extremes. Like physical abuse. If you want a relationship to last, there will be arguments, misunderstandings and hard times. You can't walk away at the first dislike. That's how you end up alone in your 30s and 40s feeling like a piece of you is missing.

As much as I love this channel and its philosophy, the part of the video that mentioned people-pleasing was very hurtful. Please choose your words more wisely. Most of us (people-pleasing people) are aware of who we are and hate our own being. We didn’t choose this personality, and we suffer from it every day. We can feel all the pain in the world and still feel obligated to smile at the people we know—not because we are nice, but because we feel like we don’t have any other choice. We don’t know our true personality or identity; we feel like something shaped by mental illness. So I think we don’t accept ourselves enough.

Just remember folks, all these mantras applied to your potential dates are equally and unequivocally applied to you too. If you expect reciprocity without anything in return give some reciprocity yourself without expecting anything in return.

This video is made by someone who has never been in a deep meaningful relationship. They have no idea what they're talking about. Source? Life with a wonderful partner =^.^=

powerful

This contradicts with your own ego which tells you that what you have is not enough.

You end up having to choose whether to be satisfied with what you currently have in order to find healthy loving relationships, or make tough sacrifices to chase your ego- often compromising meaningful relationships.