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Dr Thomas Smithyman

Dr Thomas Smithyman

120,000 subscribers

⏱ 👁 764,657 views

Master The Art Of Conversation (Using Psychology)

Video Overview & Insights

Use my code 8Q4NM84E to receive 20% off Notta Memo: https://amzn.to/46ovgjC

Use my code 8Q4NM84E to receive 20% off Notta Memo: https://amzn.to/46ovgjC

— @DrThomasSmithyman

Sign up for Notta here: https://www.notta.ai/en

Tired of boring small talk that goes nowhere? In this video, you’ll learn the psychology behind how to have better conversations — how to create real connection, and exactly what to say to make it happen.

Can't we just download an app for notta instead of having a whole different device?

— @Sanctifitt

I’m creating a workshop to help you date and connect with confidence — tell me what you want me to cover: https://forms.gle/MUBu4MqMGcPsqNMDA

Here's a brief guide to starting, deepening, and exiting conversations with confidence: https://thomas-smithyman.mykajabi.com/art-of-conversation-sign-up

18:26 I am the one with these things... but I guess if they become comfortable I will too?
I don't think I've ever had one of the type of conversation talked about in this video outside my family

— @AquariusNa115

If you want to get past your fear of talking to people, you can get my book here: https://geni.us/DatingWithoutFear

MY NEWSLETTER

I’ve also noticed that when you let people share their memories with you, especially details about stuff they haven’t shared with people, they also become an interwoven part of it. That’s why you also become important after a deeper conversation

— @Jjohns1058

Optimize your social and psychological health: https://learn.thomassmithyman.com/email

SELECT REFERENCES

Pisses me off, when I pay every month not to listen to commercials, yet, now they build it inside the video. Shame on you

— @kristinaanna5630

Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(4), 363–377.

Demir, M., ƞimƟek, Ö. F., & Procsal, A. D. (2013). I am so happy ’cause my best friend makes me feel unique: Friendship, personal sense of uniqueness and happiness. Journal of Happiness Studies, 14(4), 1201–1224.

good topic, bad hook, boring words. i know you meant well, but maybe speak a little bit more variable? i can't focus much

— @Urumir-C4

Guthrie, T. D., & Chavez, R. S. (2024). Normativity vs. uniqueness: Effects of social relationship strength on neural representations of others. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 19(1), Article nsae045.

Higgins, E. T., Rossignac-Milon, M., & Echterhoff, G. (2021). Shared reality: From sharing-is-believing to merging minds. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 30(2), 103–110.

stopped watching and unliked soon as you mentioned ai

— @elyssagomez6933

Huang, K., Yeomans, M., Brooks, A. W., Minson, J., & Gino, F. (2017). It doesn’t hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 113(3), 430–452.

Itzchakov, G., Kluger, A. N., & Castro, D. R. (2017). I am aware of my inconsistencies but can tolerate them: The effect of high quality listening on speakers’ attitude ambivalence. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 43(1), 105–120.

Thanks i needed this

— @debu206

Kardas, M., Kumar, A., & Epley, N. (2022). Overly shallow?: Miscalibrated expectations create a barrier to deeper conversation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 122(3), 367–398.

Koskinen, E., Henttonen, P., Harjunen, V., Krusemark, E., Piispanen, M., Voutilainen, L., Wuolio, M., & PerĂ€kylĂ€, A. (2024). Putting self at stake by telling a story: Storyteller’s narcissistic traits modulate physiological emotional reactions to recipient’s disengagement. PLOS ONE, 19(8), e0302703.

How does the disordered carbonaceous structure of hollow carbon nanospheres create a specific surface area and porosity that is optimal for electrochemical performance, and what impact does this have on their overall effectiveness as anode materials in sodium-ion batteries?

— @dawiszarins2088

Murphy, S., Melandri, E., & Bucci, W. (2021). The effects of story-telling on emotional experience: An experimental paradigm. Journal of Psycholinguistic Research, 50(1), 117–142.

PerĂ€kylĂ€, A., Henttonen, P., Voutilainen, L., Kahri, M., Stevanovic, M., Sams, M., & Ravaja, N. (2015). Sharing the emotional load: Recipient affiliation calms down the storyteller. Social Psychology Quarterly, 78(4), 301–323.

❀ love the video thank you for sharing

— @Benny.Goldstein

Smirnov, D., SaarimĂ€ki, H., Glerean, E., Hari, R., Sams, M., & Nummenmaa, L. (2019). Emotions amplify speaker–listener neural alignment. Human Brain Mapping, 40(16), 4777–4788.

Speer, S. P. H., Mwilambwe-Tshilobo, L., Tsoi, L., Burns, S. M., Falk, E. B., & Tamir, D. I. (2024). Hyperscanning shows friends explore and strangers converge in conversation. Nature Communications, 15(1), 7781.

I just hate feeling like I ask too many questions and that they’ll get annoyed.. but as long as it is reciprocated I guess it’s probably fine I’m just super introverted so it feels forced

— @penithbutter

Tamir, D. I., & Mitchell, J. P. (2012). Disclosing information about the self is intrinsically rewarding. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 109(21), 8038–8043.

MY BOOK

Good stuff

— @abusayeed4787

Out now: https://geni.us/DatingWithoutFear

DISCLAIMER

@4:22 60% of the time, it works every time - Brian Fantana (Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy)

— @Mr_cl0wn

This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.

#HowToTalkToAnyone #BetterConversations #ConversationSkills #notta #ai #aitools

Step 1: They have to be interested!

— @SocialMagnetLab

More User Perspectives

@

60% of the time, it works - every time

@SocialMagnetLab
@

Great talk but I will confess "Will it work all of the time?" "Yes, 60% of the time" made me smile

@FiftyTRoadGardenCottag
@

im comfortable talking to strangers

@x.rzhyve
@

Are you the voice of Sassy the Sasquatch?

@Rider65091
@

mm the thing is im not interested in knowing??

@nanachihiro
@

This is like boring conversation 2.0

@NikitaNikita-z3z
@

This was so monotone

@ThePublicPod
@

What I dont like about these videos is people have an expectations once they put this into practice. These are just giving you better cards to play, they arent always a jackpot winning hand.

@brianlogan4243
@

naisu

@SnaiderSander
@

So basically interviewing them got it

@Josher_C.
@

who's watching to talk to a girl
👇

@dahuzz1315
@

Hay un hilo fino entre la small Talk y el interrogatorio

@lauracarr7386
@

This is some goood stuff. Thank you 😊

@briaunahinds6092
@

I always dread the question Where are you from? I was born in Europe but living in the US over 30 years. When people ask me that question the first thing comes to mind is where I am living right now. But for many English speakers it means the same as Where were you born. Usually I feel confused about it because the country where I was born is not the same that it is now. European borders has been changed numerous times over past century, and for most Europeans especially Central and Eastern this question seems too loaded and confusing. Most people align their identity with ethnicity rather than place of birth. My question how to get out of this question gracefully without revealing too much of uncomfortable information but beeing polite?

@annika9020
@

The problem for me is that I'm not interested in learning about other people's life.

@alexandroesquivel9072
@

Honestly I wouldn’t know how to answer a lot of these question (like my top 5 favorite movies, a favorite place I visited and why)
 it reinforces the fact that I’m not interesting or a good conversationalist 😱

@zamz763
@

Why are his dark circles white circles

@Okises
@

Blah blah blah blah blah.

@raymondhernandez8337
@

That's very real!!! Good video!

@UnspokenAttractionOficial
@

Thank you. Thank you, thank you. I always struggle to make a small talk when i meet acquaintances or distant family members, this is so beautiful tool. I cant wait to start practicing!

@Melnestry
@

Thanks

@Melnestry
@

WHY DOES THIS ONLY HAVE 1 like out of every 60 views. This is severely underrated!

@PlayfulPurple
@

what if your asking then things but they don’t ask you the same types of questions?

@munarushi
@

Physiology was part of a course I took in college...

@mrs.becomes1234
@

Wonderful tips, especially the examples at the beginning ("what was is like growing up there?"). Any chance we could see a video of you having an engaging conversation with someone as an example to see in real life what it actually looks like?

@RinaAnna_Swimming
@

Why is this tagged ai?

@dukeofgoob
@

The only benifit of this way of questioning is that the one asking seems interested, however most of the time, people don't like to answer questions where they have think deeper..or even shallower for that matter

@ronakj3385
@

You looks like carryminati in 2060

@PuneetGOICivilServices
@

Why?

@IceMan21592
@

8:26 that ! I always got irritated when people talk a lot and faster. This insight you share now make me realize that I can cope with these kinda situations better. Thank you so much đŸ™đŸŒ

@sporter4089
@

0:53 Getting out of small talk
5:13 Talk more like friends
6:11 The topic of topics
9:36 Dig for stories
12:18 Why stories are so connecting
14:01 How to do engaged listening
17:55 Creating psychological safety
18:29 Look for areas of shared reality

@Khadeen-h7d
@

People don't dig deep enough, like about themselves, about the things they love to do, reasearch about, want to do, why they want to do,

People don't ask why?
Why are they feeling what they feeling

What's going inside their head, and heart stuff like that

We need to more aware of ourselves
As soul, mind and body


Self talk
Decoding patterns, behaviour etc.

And there is so much.

What we consume is what comes about.

If we , study, learn, read, watch, listen about mindful, meaning ful, purpose full stuff

Then this is will come out
Right

We are what we eat, consume, listen, read, think about.

And that's what we become

@KyaKaru-f3t
@

My experience over 73 years is this. By listening and letting others talk...always other first, I attracted selfish people who only cared about #1. They talked,I asked wonderful questions. As a nurse I always talked about their health and their experiences. Let me say out loud, that if you are looking for a partner, you must have a reciprocal conversation. Only listening and asking questions brings out the selfish people. I married 2 of them. Tragically they both found other simple minded people to have affairs with because I got tired of the one way street and self centered conversations..please learn from me. You will be worthless to a person of cares nothing for you because you didn't keep the spot light on him. Be very careful with this advice given here

@vivrn53
@

Did you ever get bells palsy. i see your facia movement and i think your one side is week. or just your habit

@MONKEYSTUDIO02
@

this only works with people that actually give a fuck about u btw

@MrsDemoness666
@

I appreciate the video it helps just watch out for contradictions, sir

@gęra.r_d-n5m