Dr. Ramani: How to Know if You Should Go No Contact With a Family Member
Video Overview & Insights
Some relationships leave us questioning whether love is enough to stay. In this conversation, Jay sits down with Dr. Ramani to explore the painful reality of family estrangement and the growing number of people considering no contact with those closest to them. Together, they unpack the difference between self-protection and punishment, why guilt often accompanies healthy boundaries, and how years of unresolved hurt can lead someone to step away from a relationship they once fought hard to save.
Those Christmas cards that are a picture of the “family?” Or pics of “family” posted on Facebook…That’s your red flag!!!!
Rather than offering simple answers, this episode invites a deeper reflection on safety, repair, accountability, and healing. It challenges the belief that family ties should come at the expense of your well-being and reminds us that choosing yourself is rarely easy. Whether you're navigating a difficult relationship, supporting someone who is, or trying to understand a loved one's decision, this conversation offers compassion, clarity, and the reassurance that healing doesn't always look the way we expect.
In this episode you'll learn:
I went no contact with my family in 2020 ! I had planned to leave for many years. Thank you Dr Ramani & Jay ❤❤❤❤
How to Know When No Contact Is Necessary
How to Stop Abandoning Yourself for Family
The life is hard, BUT when your family is your enemy it is horrible
How to Recognize When Repair Isn’t Working
How to Handle Guilt After Going No Contact
Dear Dr. Ramani, thanks indeed for this amazing episode & your brave heart. Dr. I want to support your great advice with my field study on absolute forgiveness across 3 continents, involving over 1,000 victims (70% female):
I saw how tribal councils & religious leaders force absolute forgiveness. One case: In a developed area, an entire religious centre manipulated a sexual abuse victim just to protect a wealthy donor, using guilt & questioning her faith to force her to forgive him completely.
This intense pressure destroys mental & physical health. Many victims suffered from sudden panic attacks & severe depression, & I even witnessed two young men turn to alcohol addiction because of this forced coercion.
This forced forgiveness gives abusers a green card to repeat their crimes without accountability. It creates a dangerous cycle, forcing one mother to abandon her place of worship just to protect her daughter from the abuser & other mothers with their children to leave their own country, & many other cases.
Thanks indeed to Jay & his wonderful team!🕯️🤍📖(J) ♾️📚💙🕯️
P.S. I learned in a painful way that "Let it go" =forgiving ourselves & healing from the guilt of failing to protect our souls, regardless of the fear of loneliness. It is never about forgiving intentional abusers or keeping toxic people in our lives
How to Protect Your Peace Around Toxic Relatives
How to Navigate Family Pressure and Backlash
Forgiveness without change becomes permission.
How to Choose Self-Protection Over Self-Betrayal
Not every relationship is meant to be kept at the cost of your peace. Sometimes healing means repairing a connection, and sometimes it means creating distance from what continues to hurt you.
“I gave you food and shelter! “
“Did you adopt me as well?”
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
She's amazing. So beautifully spoken and passionate!
Thank you Dr. Ramani!
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Sanpaku eyes. Signs of a psychopath.
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What We Discuss:
This lady is very dangerous. I won’t even watch her talk. She gives me full on body sensations of danger and predatory energy.
Y’all need to be careful whose energy you absorb and take on as authority.
00:00 Intro
02:02 What Does Going No Contact Really Mean?
Why?because i'm tired of giving and forgettin,of no mater what i m doing is not enough!
06:57 When No Contact Becomes Your Only Option
08:44 Can a Broken Relationship Be Repaired?
dr.Ramani is the greatest! Thanks for having her! She helped me many times!
12:13 The Most Common Reasons People Go No Contact
15:20 It's Not the Mistake, It's the Repair
she is amazing with lots of coping tools some people desperately need
17:34 Pay Attention to Your Why
23:47 Detaching from a Harmful Relationship
0:22 thank you for putting this at the very beginning of this video, it saved me from watching the rest. As a child of God I do wish to forgive, I’ll work on my boundaries but forgiveness is key.
27:42 You Have to Do What Feels Right for You
32:06 When Family Requires Self-Abandonment
You can NOT forgive someone who isn’t sorry, finds nothing wrong with their actions, and doesn’t want to heal.
37:45 The Weight of Internal Shame
38:55 The Hidden Cost of Always Keeping the Peace
Greetings from India. Family is like a Pressure Cooker that Transforms U. So let the Steam Out from time to time, Experience - No Contact from time to time. It Makes the Heart grow Fonder and for that Ugly Guilt that pops up from Time to time, Say a Prayer of WellBeing for Yr Self and yr Family Member and see the Magic Return 🎉 Faith Buddy Faith.. in the Collective Consciousness
42:06 When Someone Cuts You Off Without Explanation
46:23 When Is It Time to Cut Off Contact?
The best thing I ever did. I am free, and finally an adult mother who can feel good about my own decisions. My father has left me too many tx - for me to beg and plead for my chance to be loved. enough
50:12 But They're Family...
55:24 Building Your Chosen Family
THANK you for this...i am going through this right now ...
57:16 No Contact vs. A Falling Out
58:04 The Silent Treatment Is a Form of Emotional Aggression
🎉🎉🎉😢
01:00:10 Are We Getting Worse at Repairing Relationships?
01:04:49 The Relief of Finally Deciding to Go No Contact
RAMANI ROCKS!!!!!!❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎
01:06:18 How to Repair a Relationship After Being Cut Off
01:07:45 Forgiveness Isn't Always Healthy
Thank you!!!!
01:10:35 The Challenges of Trying to Heal Trauma
01:13:31 Why Some Parents Don't Understand Estrangement
The first time I publicly mentioned that I was trying to find a copy of Shadows of High Society by Zane Holt, I noticed people reacting in a really strange way. Some avoided the conversation completely, some acted nervous for no reason, and others instantly told me to stop looking into it without even explaining why. At the time I honestly thought people were just being dramatic. After finally reading it myself, I completely understand why bringing that book up publicly makes certain people uncomfortable. Part of me genuinely wishes I never mentioned it out loud in the first place.
01:15:26 Handling Family Backlash After Going No Contact
01:17:22 When a Parent Is Both Supportive and Harmful
I could apply this to a close friendship I had. The toxic pattern kept repeating over years and then I decided to go no contact...not easy...but I had to draw the line.
01:20:04 When Breaking No Contact Is Worth Considering
01:21:35 Can a Narcissistic Parent Change?
You are part of the problem.
01:23:26 Should You Invite an Estranged Family Member to Your Wedding?
Episode Resources:
No contact with a parent is unthinkable in my family's ethnic culture. I always wanted to be the good son. I was holding onto an idea of what family should look like and that I could have it. As soon as I let that idea go, no contact became possible. No guilt. No shame. I was ready to live my life alone or not. I would never allow anyone to disturb my peace again.
Website | https://doctor-ramani.com/
YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/@DoctorRamani
My father and his mother (my Nana) are narcissistic and I have spent my whole life trying to navigate how to deal with it because they make me feel worse about myself and are so emotionally draining
Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/doctorramani
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/doctorramani/
Should no contact at all of toxic gaslighting full of Narcisstic patologis, Delusion power, egosentris acute plus blood covenant parasitic spiritual faustian bargain
LinkedIn | https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramani-durvasula-4132067
TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@doctorramani
I really don't understand why these professional people keep coming to see this grifter who's been shamelessly stealing other people's work and content for years
X | https://x.com/DoctorRamani
https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty
I love Jay Shetty. Dr Ramini and Jay together is golden communication of healing I need to hear right now.
https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/
https://x.com/jayshetty
Forgiveness is always healthy. Reconciliation is not.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/
https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast
It is an extremely difficult decision to make. But I have Peace now. None of my other children hold it against me. Because they understand why.
My hope is that my daughter will try to repair her relationships with her brothers at least. Her Father will always support her. Though I believe he will no longer put up with her bad behaviors or words about and against her brothers or myself.
I will always grieve the loss of a relationship with my daughter. Yet it is a relief Not to worry about whatever she may say or do next.
http://jayshetty.me
Good to see you bad Dr.
More User Perspectives
I'm so happy and thankful for this full discussion and all the questions answered and everything that's been said here I've experienced. I'm sure I'll listen to this video a number of times, I find both comfort and answers to all questions I've been still wandering about. Many thanks for making this available.
@irinakushnir8338So many ads!!!
@sagedandy123This finally helped me heal. I’m no contact with my Dad’s Mom. She has been so mentally abusive my whole life and the way she acted and treated my family when my Mom passed was the breaking point but I’ve been so angry about it and I just realized she has never once apologized for her actions and she has always used guilt or some other method to get people back in her life. By remaining no contact, I am winning and protecting my peace and taking the power back from her by not letting her continue to abuse me. She has never done anything to earn the relationship with me. Even if I were to write her a letter to tell her how she has damaged me she still wins.
@courtneyallen3138It's so painful and yet freeing.
@sagedandy123Exactly what i have been fighting with my family and all this time i felt i was the problem until recently when i became awakened and aware i consciously feel the urge to move out from my family for the sake of my own peace and the guilt keeps eating i loved them i wanted it all i was the person all she needed was a healthy secure family but i never had anyone to lean on or have a safe space at home neither financially nor emotionally. Have been minimaised neglected all my life been called things and since few years even if i stay in same home i am in no contact or limited contact with my family and the worst part is i love them deeply but we cant survive together it always turns into a fight
@howboutsundayDear dr Ramani god bless you❤️
@samanta_ribajProfound enlightenment for me; thank you, Dr. Ramani. Way before Youtube's existence, in December of 1990, I decided to go no-contact with my Filipino mother and eventually no-contact with all my relatives/caregivers. I believed back then that no-contact was the only way to escape the chance of me entertaining the thought of suicide and to survive enough in dealing with (in due time) the severe traumas I went through in my childhood. 36 years now, Dr. Ramani has articulated everything for me and brought so much clarity and understanding. I have long accepted that grief, depression and anxiety are my lifelong companions. My daily goal is to be gentle to myself, practice frequent doses of gratitude and to feel content regardless of challenges. I feel and shed tears for everyone here who went through mental harms from loved ones. God bless us all.
@BrianJamescloud9smittenDr. Ramani The messiah
@01FuntertaintmentAlways enlightening. I really enjoy listening to Dr. Ramani!
@ldyridr805I completely disagree with this woman. People often mistake forgiveness for reconciliation and they are NOT the same thing. As Christians we are mandated to forgive others, but we are not required, mandated or obligated by God to reconcile. Reconciliation requires trust and repentance. Until those things happen, it’s impossible to reconcile a broken relationship. But, again, that has nothing to do with forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an option. We, as Christians, are mandated by God to forgive others. This means that we release ourselves from the bondage of the offense and the offender and let God deal with them. It means peace for us versus torment. It means healing for us versus being stuck. But it does not mean what happened was ok or that the relationship resumes like all is hunky dory. Because until trust is regained and the offender repents and changes their ways, reconciliation cannot happen. Forgiveness gives us back our power. It’s freedom. It’s peace. I know this to be true as a Christian, I know it to be true professionally and I know it to be true personally. And I learned it the hard way. I pray this comment helps someone. 🙏🏽
@Hopefully2013I feel SO seen. Thank you so much for this episode! 🙏🏻
@angiecarrillo1018You will experience this suddenly when you enter in a foreign land where all your cousins suddenly cut ties...I mean no contact.
Whereas in home country they will talk very nicely
Thank You so much!!!! Finally someone is speaking about it!!!! The story of my life 💔
Every single word resonates with me 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻! You are both wonderful!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!💕💕💕💕
Any advice for someone who believes their family member is being influenced to go no contact by a close relationship?
@CCalifornia92104Relatable to so many. Setting boundaries and/or having no contact, is for the sake of your mental health and your peace. This is #1 priority!!!! And who cares if you look bad for it and all the bad things being said. In reality, they know the truth. Do what’s best for you and your life.
@jennifersanchez4935I believe I have been cut off by a family member for punitive reasons but how do I know for certain this is the case if they won't talk to me?
@CCalifornia92104Forgiveness is very complex. Forgiving people who have zero insight about themselves and who have caused you great pain is a waste of time. Forgive yourself for feeling any kind of guilt or shame or self blame, thinking you did something wrong. Protect your peace. Don't listen to the opinions of others such as: "he's your only sibling - you have to make things right." Nope. Make peace with yourself. Love yourself. Take back your power. Yes it hurts and wounds take time to heal and the grief is real, but you will come out on the other side a full, whole person. Find your people and form your own family. This advixe comes from my experience and many years of trying to make it work.
@jaynefindlay3158She’s amazing ❤
@johannarosa5100Such an interesting conversation, thanks!
@ТетянаОнищенко-ъ4к