Dr. Becky Kennedy: The #1 Mistake Parents Make That Kills Confidence in Their Kids!
Video Overview & Insights
Today, Jay sits down with Dr. Becky Kennedy, clinical psychologist, best-selling author, and founder of Good Inside, a global parenting and mental health platform. Named the “Millennial Parent Whisperer” by Time, Dr. Becky is known for her compassionate, practical approach to raising emotionally healthy children while maintaining strong, sturdy leadership as a parent.
This gave me a great boost as a mum of 3 under 3 - 2 newborns with height of toddler tantrum era - thank you, good to know about Becky's work now. More like this please <3
In this eye-opening conversation, Jay and Dr. Becky explore why modern parenting often swings between dismissing children’s emotions and letting them call the shots, sharing practical ways to find the balance in between. Dr. Becky shares why parenting is a skill you can actually learn, the surprising power of repairing after conflict, and how boundaries and validation work together to help kids feel safe, understood, and supported.
Dr. Becky shares how to shift your mindset from “my kid is giving me a hard time” to “my kid is having a hard time,” creating a more compassionate approach to conflict and connection. She explains why constantly optimizing for happiness for your kids can actually create anxiety later in life, why letting kids struggle is key to building resilience, and how to release the heavy burden of “mom guilt” by recognizing which emotions are yours to carry and which belong to your child.
Great guest!
In this interview, you’ll learn:
How to Repair After Rupture and Strengthen Connection
Martin Luther: “Simuls Justus et Peccator”. We are both dinner and saint, at the same time. An example of holding two opposites together.
How to Set Boundaries Without Power Struggles
How to Validate Feelings Without Over-Coddling
These two clowns have no kids. Talk is cheap!
How to Build Capable and Resilient Kids
Why Not All “Mom Guilt” is Actually Guilt
The aunt Sally example!! Thank you! I love it. They are forced to go everywhere at thier Dads and at my house if we commit to something, we go but I did want a way to say this nicer to the kids or to not just stay home because they dont want to go anywhere with me ever.
How to Balance Empathy with Leadership as a Parent
Parenting isn’t about getting it perfect. It’s about showing up, repairing when things go wrong, and modeling the emotional skills you want your children to have. As Dr. Becky reminds us, the most powerful thing you can give your kids is the confidence to face life’s challenges knowing they are both safe and valid.
Very good, real life talk! 👏 ❤
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
This was awesome, thank you so much! 🎉
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What We Discuss:
Such a boring conversation..Sally Sally sally
00:00 Intro
02:49 Should Kids Dictate Parenting Styles?
I have a question to the topic Setting boundaries for Kids and adults. You Said you have to Set it up and the other have to do nothing. Example where elevator standing between Buttons or lock up an iPad.
But what is it with I didnt Like to be insult. Insulting is a boundary how you will Set this up. You Cant Control this standing in a way or somethibg when someone say somethibg thats insult you the only reaction is to bring consequences but you can not Like stand in a way
06:03 Building Tolerance As A Skill
10:43 How To Overcome Mom Guilt
I take umbrage that this was supposed to be for parents but mostly mentions moms, what about dads??
18:27 Becoming a Mom Shouldn't Be Endured Alone
21:50 What is the Best Parenting Strategy?
I need this cause iam working abroad❤ long distance relationship with my kids was very hard but I'll try to be the mom.🎉😊😊
29:30 The First Step Of Repair
34:18 How to Reconcile with Your Kid
When a kid says you are the worst parent in the world.
It was caused by parents language who says often you are the best kid in the world.
We get back our style of speaking
36:54 How to Reconcile with Your Kid
39:17 Your Kid is Just Having a Hard Time
Thank you for this Message
Me and my children needed it
42:04 The Myth Of Always Being Available
44:30 How Do You Set a True Boundary?
I am balling my eyes out watching this. I feel like I constantly loose my shit on my kids and glad to hear I’m not a monster because I definitely take accountability and apologize and we talk about it but I need to do better
48:36 The Communication Skills Every Parent Needs
52:34 What is Your Job As A Parent?
After coaching kids martial arts for 10+ years and being a dad in can confirm validation and boundaries are two of the most important tools for growing confident kids
56:48 Your Kid’s Feelings Are Valid
59:12 How Boundaries & Validation Make for Resilient Adults
Every single statement is a gem.. Dr.Becky.. you are amazing!! Jay your questions are so deep
01:00:40 Should you be Optimizing for Happiness In Childhood?
01:09:45 The Power of Patience & Time
As a parent if 26 years. This is GOLD! So much truth here
01:12:56 Teaching Kids How To Build Tolerance
01:19:44 Fostering Independence
❤❤❤
01:24:36 Teaching Children Self-Reliance
01:30:33 The Value Of Discipline
The issue really is, we as parents are trying to be better then our parents were with the things that hurt us. So we try not to do the same. (I hated when I had to go to aunt Sally’s as a kid, so im not gonna make my kid go to aunt Sally’s if they hate it) it comes from a place of understanding, and our own discomforts we are trying to spare of kid from. But it’s a fine line of what is right here, and what is really just making everything worse.
01:37:56 The Pressure Parents Experience
01:41:52 Independence Vs Dependence
My mom passed away last month 😢 and I'm left at home with my younger sister she's 11 years old and she's almost always angry what must I do.... she use to do the same when mom was still here but now it's my responsibility to deal with it and I'm failing 😢
01:50:46 The Fear Of Patterns Repeating
Episode Resources:
I wish my son's father would watch this. It just breaks my heart when a parent does not care. Then getting into a parent who hates the mother more than he loves the child, and was an abuser, trying to control and use the child as a weapon to hurt me. Makes this type of parenting harder to do because I have to re program and I do not want to confuse him.
Just recently I made the commitment to see this through and give him at least HALF, from my side, to show a good role model. That is all I can do now. Due to my past bad decisions, my son's father is one of them and it is so hard.
Mom guilt is real but then when you have to defend yourself to your child because he is being told negative lies about you against a court order.
https://www.goodinside.com/
https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyatgoodinside/
Lolol two hours of video
https://www.facebook.com/drbeckyatgoodinside
https://www.youtube.com/@goodinside
I just did this today for probably the first bad one. My daughter is 12. She used to be my sidekick, attached at the hip, and slept with me until last year. In the last 2 years, my kids’ father passed away, my dad 3 months later, and my mom last June. All of a sudden she acts like she’s 18 and wants nothing to do with me. It hurts so much. I did look up how to apologize to my preteen and wrote her a letter with a little gift. I took full responsibility and asked if we could have a “reset,” told her how proud I am of her & that I’m here for her always but didn’t push the issue. I left it on her night stand. I guess I’ll see how she responds. This is so hard
https://www.linkedin.com/company/goodinside/
https://x.com/goodinside
Regulation, regulation, regulation! The older I get the more I prioritize working on my nervous system. And then parenting seems more manageable! ❤❤
https://x.com/goodinside
https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty
I’m hearing just the audio while driving and bro sounds like Michael Bisping
https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/
https://x.com/jayshetty
Ouch. Im am that mom that seems like she does not care. 😢
https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/
https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast
Hitting isn't the answer but letting them literally trash the entire house or a store and no consequences isn't either. That's what's happening. And why?
http://jayshetty.me
Wish the podcast would not be interrupted by an ad for Amazon. Not ok.
More User Perspectives
I feel like my mom could have been described better as the feeling of not being as good of a parent as you want your child to have - when I explode and I know that doesn't help the situation and even hurts my child so then I feel massive guilt even though I AM doing enough and the best I can is ok.
@Humannumber9billionandoneHere’s another perspective on the birthday party example. The child is thrilled to be seated next to the birthday child. She goes to the bathroom and loses her seat. She has an emotional fit. Her parent was applauded for removing her from the party after she apologized for her bad behavior. Let’s break this down: 1) she had a right to be upset. She had legitimate claim to that seat; 2) if that is not true and things were more casual she had a right to correct her mistake. Instead, she was punished for her mistake by being made to leave the party. Where is the understanding of her feelings in this scenario? It weighs in heavily on the side of enforcing boundaries. I would have been upset too if I had lost a coveted seat. Was the child who leapt in to take it corrected?
@dianehansen912What about our main job as parents is teaching emotional connection…love…that is secure and dependable, the foundation of which is set by the parents’ continual presence in the first three years? Of course children need boundaries and they need their feelings validated but if they have healthy emotional brain development as babies they are less likely to be demanding and having tantrums when they are past the critical age of development.
@dianehansen912I really needed to hear this as a Mother
@MarieNoel-l7o“Im sorry i didn’t protect you the way that you wanted me to protect you” is that a repair statement or the only way they know how to repair?
@kbeezy2266This is what I need right now! The right guidance & support as I struggle with my super emotional 11 yo girl. As a matter of fact my husband and I r both emotional ppl also. And this video helps me to navigate my emotions and understand that my child’s tantrums is actually a good sign 🎉😂😅 thank u so much Jay & Dr Kennedy for this video and ur hard work! ❤
@Uzblack79For me, as someone that's been brought up by a narcissistic parent, jn a very abusive environmental, I also feel the need to shelter my child from feeling the things I felt. constantly being TOLD what to do, or being told no, or being treated like an object rather than a person. So when my son doesn't want to go somewhere or wants to stay at the playground, in my brain I know it's good for him to learn boundaries but in heart I feel like I want to protect him from feeling hurt. For most first time parents, options are let them stay or make them go. Coming across videos like this one is where we learn how to find a third option and navigate through the situation in a way that we don't feel guilty or cause upset or damage. But it's hard to just 'know' and parents certainty don't just choose not to do it. Thank you for the great advice btw
@ania624I say, "you don't have to want to go to aunt Sally's house but that's what we're doing today. Maybe you can bring some dolls"
@msaijay1153omg!!! this is sooo powerful!!!! ❤ thank u
@junedonnelly4531This is amazing. I really needed this - thank you.
@jess92brewIm a dad that prides myself with repairing. Especially when i overreact to my sons emotions. Then after we are both regulated. I take accountability and apologize to my son. Which I go into detail why I felt the way I did. Then turns into talking about emotions fest.
Something I was never taught growing up. So my son has helped me express my emotions more positive. As he is in a social emotional learning class in school too. Everything with my son and I. Is considered teamwork at the end. As we both are learning the world in a dofferent dynamic. In this ever evolving world.
So if a parent yells because the child does something negative, the parent is then supposed to apologize (repair) for yelling but give no correction to the child about what caused the parent to yell for 24+hrs??
Isn't that letting the child dictate the situation? Will the avg 4yr old even remember or care about what happened yesterday?
I love this so much. Her parenting advice is so realistic and also so hopeful. I love this. And I love how the advice applies across the board for all relationships- not just parents with children, but spouses, friends, etc.
@kensievans2472As a single mom of two teenage boys, videos like this really mean a lot to me ❤️ Lately, I’ve been constantly worried whenever they’re out and not answering their phones, so I’ve started considering tracking apps — even though I used to think they were too invasive. At this point, I just want the peace of mind of knowing they’re safe. If anyone has real experience or recommendations, I’d truly appreciate it
@Mamify33ابغاه مترجم عربي 😢
@totahilaby3698I will never forget the story she told about making her son cry himself to sleep in the hallway outside of her room for three straight months when he was 3 because she wanted him to sleep alone in his bedroom. That breaks my heart and I find it unforgivable. Hard to listen to her after hearing her take "what someone told her your supposed to do with your kids" to that level of extreme. If you think that won't impact your child for the rest of their life, you're naive as hell. 3 year olds remember.
@SgtWhiskeyJack1989This podcast hit home today, I have 4 teens with various emotions. Hearing these parenting skills reminds me I am not alone and together we got this.
@laurenwilson2145Let’s add a high conflict ex who uses manipulation to break down my daughter and turn her against me. I am drowning! Not coping and had an abusive father and I lose control and scream at my teenagers. I also have ADHD. This all makes sense. I disconnect because my parents never understood me and I raised myself. I’m doing this to my own kids. I need to change… this has helped me a lot thank you ❤
@MalibuStormWhen i was a kid in the 90s and i didnt want to go somewhere and id express this to my dad he would get down to my level and say "yano what, me neither and we would giggle together, and the n he would say let get through it by thinking about playing legos when we get home!" And it made me feel like we was a team and id enjoy the event because of my dad ❤ i love him so much
@ljade6427This video really hit home. Emotional presence is key and ngl, I lowkey get anxious about my kid when theyre out. Findmykids helps with that, knowing they’re safe lets me focus on being there for them more ❤️
@KseniyaAndreitsovaI love this woman, she is smart ass hell
@SunshineHnubCiThe biggest challenge I'm facing is dealing with an ex who is often disrespectful when the kids are around.
She's got a big temper and I'm worried the kids are going to grow up thinking its OK to yell at people. I've sat with them and I tend to briefly explain how we should talk with others. I invite questions. Not sure what else to do.