Building Healthy Attachment Relationships after Childhood Trauma
Video Overview & Insights
Childhood Trauma has long-lasting impacts on relationships and attachment. But you can learn to build healthy attachment even with CPTSD or Complex PTSD
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One of the hardest parts of healing attachment wounds is realizing love can feel unsafe simply because safety was unfamiliar. Learning secure connection after childhood trauma can feel like learning a new language — slow, uncomfortable, but deeply hopeful.
Childhood trauma doesn’t just live in your memories—it rewires how you show up in relationships. If you’ve ever panicked when someone leaves your text on read, overshared on a first date, or pulled away when closeness feels scary, you’re not alone. These patterns are often rooted in attachment wounds from early experiences of neglect, control, or fear.
In this video, we explore how Complex PTSD (CPTSD) and attachment injuries from childhood trauma disrupt the ability to form safe, secure relationships as an adult. You’ll learn the 7 most common ways CPTSD shows up in love and friendship—like fear of abandonment, people-pleasing, emotional dysregulation, or repeating toxic patterns. We’ll also dive into attachment styles—anxious, avoidant, disorganized—and how they develop from early relational wounds.
I've learned that emotional trauma from a broken family and emotionally detached mother led me to weird unconditional attractions. I met a friend who was the opposite of my mom. Smart, confident, well spoken, socially graceful. The attraction from my side was instant and when it did not work out after dating and being friends, I was devastated. Years later after being married, the pain of that friend came back. It wasn't until recently I saw the attraction was some form of trying to compensate for my childhood. A woman was not the answer even the 'perfect woman' in my eyes. It was addressing the hard reality that love has to come from myself, not from others.
Most importantly, you’ll discover 5 stages of healing that can help you rebuild secure attachment. From slowing down in new relationships, to reparenting yourself with compassion, to creating earned secure attachments, there are clear steps you can take to change the way you connect.
Healing from Complex PTSD takes time, but healthy, lasting relationships are possible. You can rewire your nervous system, learn to trust, and finally feel safe being loved.
THIS VIDEO IS SO GOOD. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR MAKE IT SO CLEAR 💚
00:00 Why Love Feels Unsafe After Complex PTSD
01:19 When Childhood Trauma Teaches You Love = Pain
i just want to thank you. you've been integral to my journey.
02:26 7 Common Signs of CPTSD in Relationships
05:07 How Childhood Trauma Shapes Your Attachment Style
I recommend no kissing or being alone for first 3 dates,no never drink and really focus on what you see in them reflect and ask God for guidance to choose what kind of person this person will help you become. Never share past experiences and always ask lots of questions that are important to you when seeking a partner! 😊
07:06 Healing Attachment Trauma Through Relationships
08:25 CPTSD Healing: 5 Steps to Rebuild Secure Attachment
Z8 f ,
08:39 Step 1: Build Relationships Slowly
09:09 Step 2: The Therapeutic Relationship
Such a beautiful and helpful video ❤
10:17 Step 3: Reparenting for Healthy Attachment
11:22 Step 4: Get a Pet to Heal CPTSD?
Vanilla ❣️,,, is still one of my favorite nervous system regulations,,, thank you.
I feel closer to hope with everyone of your videos, God bless you 💗
11:54 Step 5: Earned Secure Attachment
12:37 Healthy Disagreement: The Mark of Secure Attachment
10/3/26 🙏🙏🙏💟💟💟♏️♏️♏️💟💟💟🙏🙏🙏
13:11 Keep a Growth Mindset to Heal Attachment
13:43 CPTSD Recovery Happen in Relationships
Does anyone else, when experiencing secure attachment cause then to cry? This is a thing for me lately. When faced with relationships that are safe and comforting, I can become extremely overwhelmed and it makes me cry intensely. I feel like this can't be normal. I feel like those things are good and should make me happy not cause me to breakdown 🤷🏻♀️
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And tie this up with autism. Ugh. I’ve fucked a lot of my life up.
Check out my podcast, Therapy in a Nutshell: https://tinpodcast.podbean.com/
Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
❤ thank you!
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe
Im grateful for this, as a woman who believes i had emotional and physical abuse as a child with a parent. I realized that over the years of my teens and early adulthood i used to have unhealthy “love” relationships with men that didnt serve me. In my college years I turned to drugs, alcohol and tobacco which was unhealthy relationships that lingered years after college. I have been sober for over 2 years. And have mostly been single for that time as well, and its been eye opening for me to delve into healthy relationships. And as someone who feels deeply connected to love in my life, i feel healthy relationships with others are important, but not as important as continuing a healthy relationship with myself. Thank u Emma! ❤
If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 988 or your local emergency services.
Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
I think advice about pet is dangerous. It can lead to many issues in pet. I got a dog and humanize her, ended my dog felt responsibility of being leader of the pack and took 2 years with dog psychologist to switch back roles. And its still not perfect.
More User Perspectives
Thank you for your work ❤
@nataliaw.1371Love you. Sooooo helpful to kickstart healthy relationships & healing journey! The two greatest.commamdments are relationship bassd. Maybe a vid on relationship with God /higher power?😊
@JabblesOwenWhat happens when you repeatedly have failed spouse relationships as an adult? Can you heal from betrayal & domestic violence & convicted sex offender of a minor? Yowser!
@JabblesOwenCan the secure style do a quick rebound after finishing their relationship??
@Fam.greetingGrew up with a extremely narcissist parent . Another one kept supporting but one made life hell. Kept physically and mentally abusing, guilt tripping, gaslighting and always yelling and making feel bad for a decade now. Now as a adult im still super scared of everything, cant get it out of my head its all stays in my memory vividly i can see, listen. After years of isolation ive got ocd, adhd now which sometimes makes me doubt if im actually the bad person where i did nothing to deserve this. Other family members are too scared to confront that parent. This person hasnt changed abit. Openly communicating will make my head even worse because it was never good. How do i peacefully live my life with this wound and this person’s existence? Im helpless. Growing up being always scared crying being sad had made me weak im still not strong enough to fight this but its the ultimate root of all problems i gotta come up with something for my own good.
@opdoraemon1195Love your content and delivery..it was very engaging and insightful!
@rummankhan4707Whatever happened to you is not your fault, it's those who were in their power that time and misused it.
So don't feel guilty or angered. Forgive yourself and forget them. Be more stronger physically and emotionally both.
Don't rush for relationships, wait till it is not from your heart.
And one thing good you can do is don't behave the way to the younger ones which you faced ones. Have sympathy for them.
Help needy, donate, earn more, work more and do charity to needy and worthy more. Save more.
Smile more, more often, most of the time, look best version of yourself.
Cause I know you are so beautiful !
Appreciate your near dear ones and yourself also.
Feel the fresh air, every day is a new beginning!
Be thankful to the mother Earth.
Maa Adi Shakti has created this multiverse lets thank her for the power she brought to all. The power within us!
This channel has helped me a lot. Thank you.
@SariiSphereIt feels like I Raised myself...🎉
@bonnieyuse5876unknowingly put my childhood blame and pain onto him, even though I never wanted to. I ruined everything so badly that now he says he will never be in a relationship again. He left me permanently because I kept repeating the same mistakes after promising I wouldn’t. He is still scared that if he comes back to me or gets into another relationship, the same fights will happen again. For two years, I failed to understand him. Our daily fights slowly pushed him far away, and I didn’t even realize when it happened. I feel like I was the imperfect one. I pushed him so far that now nothing is left. I never wanted him to suffer because of me, but I gave him pain instead of peace. While trying to fix things, everything ended. He’s gone forever, and I was the reason. I destroyed everything with my own hands, even though I never wanted to.I continuously blaming myself because i lost him because of my overreacting in any situation i lost him i really hate myself i never wanted to do these things but i am the one who are imperfect in this relationship he are doing all efforts he could do he was doing his best but i forgot his side victims myself i thought i am wrong but I am not really accepted it 100% i know that's not my fault in childhood in everything continuously fir years my parents blaming me for every little situation like if something wrong is done because i am born in April that's why we haven't brother i know he doesn't deserve this suffer i really wanted to change this but also i wanted to fix everything that's not my fault that's my condensing i really wanted to fix these as a child i suffer alot but i never wanted to suffer him because if myself i don't know what should I do
@PrachiRaghuwanshi-dr5mvOk, but why are you yelling at me
@Ivoska135I have grown up in such a loving family that i didn't know toxic relationship exists so i trustsd in everyone thats why i have suffered emotional abuse in relationships after marriage
@hpwala6910True!!
@shannonrice5181This is excellent ❤
@marklesliewoodsI receive my restoration.
@LNRrebornHere's a strange thing that came up in my CPTSD healing journey...
throughout my life, I've ALWAYS gone away by myself somewhere if Im really upset and know im going to cry. I could never show people i was upset but i thought it was normal behaviour until i was working on my healing and my mom told me that from infanthood i was allergic to the formula milk and would get terrible collic and be crying in pain. But she was told by the midwives back then, that i was just looking for attention when i was crying in pain, and to park me in the buggie at the end of the garden and let me cry it out alone. Now i realised why even as an adult, i would go cry alone because i learnt that no one cared enough to help when you are in pain and you just cry alone until you cant cry anymore. And when you are quiet you get to come back to everyone else. How sad to be trained that way and how something that repeatedly happened when you were too young to even remember it, gets hardwired into your nervous system and can effect you for the rest of your life, if you dont do the healing work. That was just one of MANY things that came up. Ive come a long way. Its not easy to do this because so many things come up and have to be worked through. Sometimes it felt like a never-ending rabbit hole. But now im feeling so much calmer, more aware, emotionally attuned, able to set boundaries, seeing other peoples behaviour as just that- their behaviour, not a reflection of my worth.
I made the mistake of thinking these were just 'bad dreams' until I started using meetaugust to log my triggers. Definitely check it out if you're struggling to find a pattern; it’s been way more helpful for my recovery than just trying to remember everything
@EmilyPark-o1yI've only started to listen 3 mins in and everything you said shouts my name. I thought I've dealt with my past but I think I've only put a plaster on. I always wondered why I react like I do. Now I have a better understanding and can work on overcoming this. Thank you, Emma!
@HannelieVI've had a lot of pets and raised one wonderful son, which helped to heal me. Also I enjoy gardening, where my care is often rewarded with abundance, beauty and nutrition. (Unlike giving to people.)
@MechtildWittkowskiI have all those symptoms 😭😭
@btselebtsele6762I have pbd but I’m working on alllll this!
@HippieGoddess333At first I had my doubts but now im sure when hearing, "its okay im here for you", triggered a lot of sadness. Good to know, hurts to realize.
@tylerbrown69Thank you so much for this video!!!!! You have such a grounding, soothing energy that really made me feel safe listening to you. Your words have come right when I needed them... I'm doing the work, but sometimes just get thrown back into trauma... thanks again, I'll listen more to you and check your courses too
@taisstahel2968I'm an hsp
Toxic family ....toxic marriage and I'm not so keen on letting people in
I wished I had seen this video before, after having really challenging childhood, i found an amazing girl who i feel in love with, my anxious attachment love bombed the shit out of her avoidant attachment style. She broke up with me this morning. I’m really sad but I understand her now better. I wish we both had communicated clearly and I was given a chance to heal myself and grow together rather than being punished in 1 shot. I want to heal so I can love again.
@HyperTrendz🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤
@lenatoscas424Thank you.
@brianbrenton1025therapists are the most unsafe people...beware, so many are unhealthy among them, you can be damaged to the point of becoming sui*c*idal!!
@iloveyoufromthedepthofmyheartWowed.
@samueltucker8473Healthy boundaries, repairing and maintaining relationships with those we can share goodness.
@samueltucker8473Life's breathing.
@samueltucker8473Patching roads to increase safe healthy interpersonal interactions to increase goodness sharing.
@samueltucker8473Unresolved Early Trauma resolution understandings
@samueltucker8473I have disorganized attachment style and I agree with kind of everything in The intro 😂
@jasonfanclub4267So what if im a little bit of all 3 attachment types? ...with all the abuse, trauma, and already being reserved, ive basically shut down now....I want friends and a relationship but if im not comfortable in social situations im not gonna find either. If I force myself to go out im awkward and ppl just think this guy's weird and just move on. When I think ive found someone I click with religion or my shyness stop it...basically at that whats the point in putting myself out there anymore 🤷♂️
@natd7158